i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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