After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Randomize
