Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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