the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
