First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Randomize
