its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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