Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
