Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Pants are for mortals
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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