She said her name was "party"
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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