He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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