As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Randomize
