Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
FUCK WHALES
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Randomize
