wanna go halves on a baby?
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
