My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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