4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
