I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
where does the pee come out of this thing
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
