sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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