Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Acid is not a monday night drug
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
