so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
