cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
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