piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
