"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
