Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
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