come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
