Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I can't put those talents on a resume
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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