There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
