there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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