so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
