Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Blood and glitter go together right?
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
