Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Randomize
