I just threw up on my dentist
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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