GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
