I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Randomize
