was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
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