i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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