it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
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