Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
