I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
