that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
