Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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