you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
