Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
