you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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