When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
