I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Randomize
