I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
