I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
