Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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