3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Randomize
