Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
