well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Randomize
