dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Randomize
