Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Randomize
