you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
