Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Randomize
