Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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