You can't special order awesome
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
