you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
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