Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Randomize
