the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
