yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
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how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
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