upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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