Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
