Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Randomize
