This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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