You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
