my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
