He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Randomize
