Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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