Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
