She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
