I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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