I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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