p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
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