I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Operation Purity has been aborted
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
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