hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Randomize
