I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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